A SWAN SONG, A NEW BEGINNING WITH THAT LITTLE GIRL

That’s all folks! It’s a wrap on the Democratic National Convention for this election cycle…and with luck, there’ll be another in four years…Lord willin’ and the MAGAs don’t rise. President Biden gave his swan-song speech at the end of a long evening, well past his bedtime and that of many TV viewers, but it was a well-done handover to give his complete support to his vice president to wear the mantle of the high office if she is successful in November. Biden received well-deserved praise throughout the days of the gathering, but Monday was his day to be suffused in the adoration. Late Show host, Stephen Colbert, praised him for “decades of tireless public service,” but he fact-checked the speech where the president said, “Donald Trump promised infrastructure week, every week, for four years. And he never built a damn thing.” Colbert pushed back with, “That’s not entirely fair, sir. He did build all those little burger towers,” as he brought up the photo of Trump posing behind mounds of hamburgers (that’s hamberders in Trump-speak texts) and a spread of fast food items from several outlets, all to celebrate Clemson University’s national football championship during their visit to the White House. Of the ‘hamberder’ towers, Colbert guarantees us that Trump designed them. As you may recall, many of the footballers thought the offering was “on the cheap side,” unworthy of a White House invitation.

Stephen lauded Biden for taking the stage and giving a powerful speech after his four-and-a-half-minute standing ovation, by “using up all the energy that he didn’t use during the debate with Trump.” “If only he knew he could have received the same reaction by telling fart jokes on CBS,” he added. Colbert went on to fact-check New York governor, Kathy Hochul, who “wasted no time in making no sense,” when she asked, “Are you ready to elect Kamala Harris the first president of the United States?” Colbert laughingly said, “Yes, the FIRST president of the United States. Now it SEEMS like that was a mistake, but it’s like George Washington FAMOUSLY said: ‘That little girl was me!'”

Late Night host, Seth Meyers, observing efforts by the GOP as the DNC progressed, says their wishful thinking about Trump’s lackluster campaign, has taken them to the airwaves to give the former president advice where they know he will notice it…on TV. Senator Lindsey Graham thinks Trump can win…his “policies are good for America, but as a provocateur and a showman, he may lose it.” Meyers contributes, “The guy can’t stay on message because, ONE, there is no message. TWO, America was demonstrably worse when he left office, and, THREE, he can’t stomach anyone else getting attention for anything, ever.” So, with all the GOP’s attempts to get their candidate to stay on track, what does he do? As Meyers says, “Republicans are basically saying to Trump, ‘We still have a chance if we focus on the economy,’ and his response is, ‘What if we make it about looks?'” At a Pennsylvania rally, The Don offered the crowd, “I’m a better looking person than Kamala!” Womp, womp, womp.

Guest host of the Daily Show, Michael Kosta, warned the Democrats when he noticed that on the release of the party platform, they had failed to replace Joe Biden’s name with that of Kamala Harris.  “That’s not just lazy, guys. It’s risky. Joe Biden is gonna read that and say, ‘gas up the Corvette, I’m going back in.'” Shawn Fain, president of the United Auto Workers union, spoke on Monday night, portraying Trump as a union-buster who “laughs about firing workers who go on strike,” as was done with his compatriot Elon Musk during a recent interview. He then removed his jacket to reveal a shirt printed with the words, ‘Trump is a Scab,‘ which became the chant during his speech from those assembled.

The theme of Tuesday’s DNC events might have been entitled ‘Men Who Married Well,’ with Doug Emhoff and Barack Obama as the prominent male duo on the speaking docket for the evening. Emhoff’s presentation was well-done, introducing himself and his family to an audience desirous of all the facts, and showing his unbridled support for wife, Kamala, who has been a perfect step-mom to his kids. It’s said that Doug’s ex-wife supports Kamala more enthusiastically than Trump’s wife, Melania, is supporting him! In fact, satirist Andy Borowitz writes that Melania wished to speak at the DNC’s Thursday session, as she explained, “None of us can stand another four years of Donald Trump. I DO care – don’t you?” Borowitz further indicates that Ms. Trump plans to “steer clear of the personal attacks that have typified the Republican campaign. When they go worst, we go best.” Contemplating what her life might look like post-Donald Trump, she adds, “I may get cat.”

Barack Obama didn’t disappoint in his speech, captivating the Democratic faithful, as always, and lamenting that his task at the podium was a bit onerous, having to follow wife, Michelle, who had the crowd climbing the rafters with enthusiasm. Many were afraid that she might resurrect her old, “When they go low, we go high!” refrain, but she was ready…as a poster on X wrote that she essentially began, “Girl, hold my hoop earrings while I drag this weird s.o.b.!” And drag she did, one of her best attacks on Trump being, “Who’s gonna tell him the job he is currently seeking just might be one of those ‘Black Jobs’?” Illinois Governor JB Pritzker’s speech managed to send a heat-seeking missile in Trump’s direction when he began a statement with, “Take it from an actual billionaire…” Surely, the Orange-One’s head is still exploding.

Former president Clinton rewrote his original Wednesday speech, feeling it was too dark, and his final was a bit low-key, but containing some relevant digs at the narcissistic GOP standard-bearer…being quick to point out that he is younger than The Don. Hillary spoke at the Monday session, luckily for Bill, and she roused the troops in a fitting tribute to her 2016 candidacy, and her steadfastness. Former NRC chair, Michael Steele, pointed out that Hillary was “getting in the groove” of the crowd’s chant of “Lock him up” as she referenced Trump’s 34 felony convictions. Steele called it, “Probably the most rich, ironic moment in political history. She’s always been the bogeyman for a lot of Republicans, but this idea of locking her up because of crimes she never committed, and wrongdoing that she was never involved with, is a bit ironic.” True to form, after Trump was convicted, he claimed he had never used that phrase against Hillary. Let’s just smile knowingly…along with Hill!

The Morning Joe show began on the Wednesday following the first two nights of what was a jubilant atmosphere at the DNC, with a video showing the difference between the DNC and the somber RNC a few weeks earlier. Joe Scarborough could only say, “Wow, just wow!” and turning to co-host, Willie Geist, Joe added, “Willie, I mean, talk about a show of force, a show of power!” Geist responded, “Yeah, 20,000 in Chicago [at the DNC] and then, 15,000 in Milwaukee [where Kamala & Tim appeared on Tuesday]…that was crazy.” Geist termed the roll call where each state’s delegation was introduced with lively music…a first…as “perfect stagecraft.” Host Mika Brzezinski summed up the contrast between the two conventions as “A Tale of Two Roll Calls.”

Wednesday evening’s highlight was Harris’s wing-man, Tim Walz, at the podium to accept the party’s nomination…hardly a disappointment, except that he failed to wear his Maytag Repairman’s coveralls! He delivered a moving speech, highlighting his career as a teacher, a coach, a US Representative, a state governor, and a National Guard sergeant, while reprising his favorite line to the GOP on reproductive health, “Mind your own damn business!” He brought his family to tears, proclaiming, “We’re all here tonight for one beautiful, simple reason: We love this country.” His neurodiverse son, Gus, has become a figure in most of the highlight videos of the evening, as he tearfully and enthusiastically stood to applaud and point to his father, saying, “That’s my Dad!” to all who could hear over the cacophony. His action prompted an outpouring of positivity on social media toward the 17-year-old, but dragons lashed out from the MAGAverse. One of the most reprehensible came from the right-wing’s Molotov Cocktail thrower, Ann Coulter, who posted a screenshot of Gus, captioning it, “Talk about weird.” She was immediately barraged with backlash from Xers with biting comments: “I can see why a child loving their parents would feel foreign to you;” “No one will ever cry for Ann Coulter;” “This is a direct quote from you in 2010: ‘Christianity fuels everything that I write.’ Sorry, Ann, but there’s nothing Christian about your comment. I don’t think Jesus would like this one little bit. I’ll pray for you;” and, “Trump has mocked a handicapped reporter, and last night Ann Coulter and the pundits on Fox News made fun of Tim Walz’s son’s disability…why would anyone support this morally bankrupt MAGA party? The cult needs to be destroyed once and for all this November!” Another posted photos of weepers Gus Walz, and Kyle Rittenhouse, the Kenosha, WI AR-15 shooter who killed two demonstrators, known for blubbering during his courtroom acquittal. The photos are captioned: “Ann Coulter thinks one of these kids is weird and the other is a hero.’” The attack on X was so fierce and immediate that Coulter deleted her post rather quickly, but not before it was screenshotted by an alert posse.

Notably, several Republicans and former-Republicans voiced their opinions at the DNC podium during its run. Former Georgia Lt. Governor Geoff Duncan urged his fellow GOPers to vote for Harris, despite some policy disagreements, feeling that Trump poses significant threats to our republic. “These days our party acts more like a cult, a cult worshiping a felonious thug,” he stated. Dace Potas, Republican columnist for USA Today, agrees with Duncan’s assessment, but he is suggesting to his party that they abstain from voting for either candidate, in his belief that neither are fit for the job. By his abstention he hopes the GOP will get the message, and prefers to benefit neither candidate by holding out, while fully understanding that some in his party feel they have no choice but to support the RNC’s standard-bearer. He says if the GOP loses the 2024 presidential vote, Trump is likely to encourage his minions to do a repeat of January 6, particularly in light of GOP frustrations stemming from 2020 and the predicted 2022 ‘red-wave’ mid-terms. He concedes that Trump and his base have already laid the groundwork to instigate violence. “Frankly, I don’t know which path is a more direct route to ridding our party of Trumpism. A victory cements his vein of conservatism as the future of the Republican Party, whereas a loss means he will likely run for a FOURTH time in 2028…America is sadly stuck with Trump’s influence on American politics. Those looking for a quick fix ignore the problems that got us here in the first place,” he says. Is your hair on fire yet?

Governor Walz ended his speech with a football coach’s pep talk, urging ‘the team,’ with, “Never underestimate a public school teacher! It’s the fourth quarter, we’re down a field goal, but we’re on offense and we have the ball, we’re driving down the field, and boy, do we have the right team! When we fight…we win!!” The conventioneers erupted with cheers and chants, echoing Walz’s words, banners and signs waving like a Minnesota wheat field. Donald Trump had ridiculed Walz on Truth Social, saying that Walz was only “an ASSISTANT Coach, not a COACH,” which brought Stephen Colbert into fray with, “Oh my God! Of course, he was an assistant coach, and you know what that means? Walz is only qualified to be some sort of…Vice President.” Colbert joked that the RNC had offered us Lara Trump and Marco Rubio at their convention, comparing it to a restaurant server saying, “Sorry, we don’t have Coke. Is diarrhea OK?”

Seth Meyers agrees with Tim Walz’s “never underestimate a public school teacher” remark, disclosing that his mother is one of them and “she can drink WAY more than you might think.” Fox News host, Laura Ingraham, admitted the DNC looked exciting, but criticized the Democrats for focusing on “all the good vibes, instead of the actual issues that matter. You can’t eat good vibes.” The Daily Show’s John Stewart conceded, “I guess you’re right. You can’t feed your family on vibes. You can only feed your family on immigration fear-mongering.” Jesse Watters of Fox News continually denied the liveliness of the DNC, saying it “felt like a funeral.” For this, Stewart showed a video of a DJ happily dancing during the proceedings, commenting, “And we all know funerals always have a DJ!” and joking that Jesse’s life “is a never-ending joyride of talking to Brit Hume in between catheter ads on Fox.”

Kamala Harris rounded out the DNC’s week on Thursday night, accepting the party’s nomination to head up the ticket for the presidency. Her presence on stage was summed up by MSNBC’s Jen Psake: “The Democratic National Convention was a joyful, inclusive reminder of what politics is supposed to feel like. And Vice President Kamala Harris ended the week by delivering a fierce, patriotic and refreshing speech that combined her positive vision for the country with an absolute takedown of Donald Trump. She looked and sounded like she was going to walk off that stage right into the Oval Office.”

The profound change Harris has brought to this presidential contest, was evident in her story, which she termed an “unlikely journey” to get the nod to run for the high office. She told the boisterous DNC crowd that Americans can take the road of “chaos and uncertainty” with Trump, an “unserious man,” with his threats against our democracy and our basic American freedoms; or, we can recommit to the values and endless possibilities we expect and deserve as Americans. Trump’s diatribes that this is a “third world country,” afflicted with “American carnage,” and his threats of retribution for his ‘personal slights’ gave Harris the opportunity to present herself as the catalyst for our renewal. By leveraging her previous prosecutor role, she pledged to always be “for the people” as she dragged Trump for serving “the only client he has ever had: HIMSELF.” She ended with, “So, let’s get out there and let’s fight for it. Let’s get out there and let’s vote for it. And together, let’s write the next great chapter in the most extraordinary story ever told.” Cue the balloons, the confetti, the signs and raucous cheering!!

So, Kamala left the electrified, exuberant, and united gathering with new hope, joy, and harmony. Let’s hope that the convention’s self-reinforcing bubble aspect will carry forward into the next 70 days or so, during which time Harris must prove she can become a worthy and strategic figure in the race. TV viewership of the convention bested that of the RNC by millions, and many were sad to see the celebration end. Satirist Andy Borowitz writes that MSNBC had received so many complaints that the DNC wasn’t being aired, they decided “to cancel regular evening programming in order to show reruns of the event.” And in the meantime, Trump’s babysitters had to disable his golf cart to get him off the green in order to campaign, and his overripe second-banana, JD Vance continues to hold rallies drawing tens of…tens? Let’s win it!